. . . Nah, life totally has its ups and downs but at this ripe old age of "almost 30" (grrrr,ugh,blah), I have learned that we can get through anything. . . .even extremely CRAPPY, CRAPPY weeks :) So with that said, I am happy to report that I believe I have recovered from my recent state of FUNK! The last two weeks have been a little rocky in my life. My kids went away to stay with their auntie for their first week of spring break, and while I thought I was going to have a nice relaxing week of fun, the week didnt go quite as planned and I quickly realized how my kids are everything in my life. I was lonely, lost, and kind of felt out of place. I'm not one that spends a lot of time at home, and this week thats where I found myself . . . thinking about growing old and gray all alone, it was lovely. At the end of the week, I found out one of my bestest friends is pregnant. While I am totally, completely, 100% happy for her and her husband, I was a little shocked at my own reaction to their news. After a minor friend freakout, I ate not just one, but two, donuts from the most enormous donut store in town, and proceeded to cry for the next 6 days :) I am not normally a crier so this everyday thing was killing me . . . I guess I want a baby (and maybe a husband that wants a baby too :)
While I have the best support system of wonderful friends and family who I think totally "get" me . . . I cant help but sometimes be sad. I have a wonderful, amazing life but would love to find that missing piece and guess am tired of hearing people give me their take on it . . . .give it time . . . when you least expect. . . blah blah blah. . . I know people just want to help and I love you for it, but sometimes sad and depressed is where I need to be :)
And as an added update (and final blow in my crappy week) . . . I would like to make a public announce so people can stop inquiring about ummm "that situation" haha . . . he is GONE, not gonna happen :) I have always dreamed of marrying a childhood friend, so when this boy suddenly showed up from my middle school past (a boy I happened to have a huge crush on)- I think I immediately thought it was fate and fell in love with the idea of this dreamed up fairy tale coming true. I admit, I maybe jumped to some conclusions fairly quickly and missed the obvious . . . that he and I were going nowhere . . . so we said our farewells (something that did not bring tears) and I again search onward for Mr. Perfect . . . oh how the heart wants :)
2 comments:
I love you Bonnie! You are right sometimes you just need to be sad and depressed to get feeling better. It will happen, unfortunately no one is told when that will happen! Stupid, I agree. Love you, Debi
I saw this show one night that was about a mother and a couple of kids who had just gone through a divorce... they were all crying and falling apart. Then the mom said, "Okay, an hour is up- time to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. We have other things to do and lots of others things to smile about." That is how life is and sometimes, we need down time to be down- but it must be kept as an occassional indulgence- the rest of the time we need to practice gratitude. Gratitude is the answer to moving forward and embracing the scary and unknown and still finding a way to be happy. You are a good person, Bonnie, and I really like you and your children. Love, Aunt Gail
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